Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I Have Solved Global Warming, Where's My Nobel Prize?

So we all know the rap on Global Warming. We dig up fossil fuels, and then burn them, releasing bajillions of cubic tons of carbon dioxide into the air. This carbon dioxide reflects the sun's rays back to the Earth, warming it up.

But that isn't the whole story. There's a thing called the carbon cycle, and I learned about it in 4th grade. It goes like this: carbon is taken from the air by plants, and is converted into sugar. Animals eat the plants and digest the sugar, expending the carbon in the form of carbon dioxide. But wait one second... not all of the carbon is released back into the atmosphere. Some of it is stored as fat. In America, a lot of it is stored as fat. In fact, billions of tons of carbon are stored and eventually buried in the bodies of heroic Americans, who sacrifice greatly to be sure that their carbon footprint dies with them.

I think America deserves a huge thank you for saving the world from Global Warming. I also think that I deserve a Nobel Prize. Sweden, I expect a letter soon.

2 comments:

  1. Nice. But does this mean it's unethical for me to lose weight?

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  2. Hmm... That's a tough one. I think it would depend on what form of ethics you are using. If it's an outcome oriented ethics system, such as most forms of utilitarianism, it would probably be considered unethical. I don't think you could consider it unethical under natural law. You could probably suggest that Environmentalists who are also health nuts are hypocrites.

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